Silver City, NM- There’s a new Student Secretary in town! While former softball star and beloved Student Government member Breanna Aker had served in the position valiantly since August 2016, thanks to the purchase and installation of the trusty ASWNMU coffee maker, Bre now finds herself out of a job.
According to ASWNMU Vice President Dylan Kester, the original plan was replace her with a snow cone machine, but due to the recent freeze, ASWNMU determined that a coffee maker was the more practical option.
“It’s cheaper, it creates a caffeinated beverage, and it warms student up through those sudden New Mexico freezes!” Kester said.
ASWNMU Senator Linzy Granger was shocked, though not by the fact that Bre was replaced, but rather by the fact that there was a student news publication on campus.
True to her character, however, Bre was a good sport about the change. “I know that being replaced by this coffee maker will benefit the team and give them the caffeine they need to fulfill the stressful duties of student government,” she said. “I sure hope that they miss me as much as I will miss them.” Before departing, Bre glared at the coffee maker. “Also, I really feel like I’m at least Keurig worthy!”
Vice President Kester confirmed that there were indeed plans to bring a Keurig to student government once the WNMU budget crisis came to an end.
The coffee maker was unavailable for comment due to being an inanimate object.
