Silver City, NM- The Pro-Temp of ASWNMU Student Senate Dylan Kester has been fired. While ASWNMU wouldn’t disclose the unspeakable reason why Kester was relieved of his duties, most signs point to Kester’s ridiculous spending, which can be seen in Treasurer reports handed out during ASWNMU public meetings. Among Kester’s outlandish purchases include a snow cone maker, a popcorn machine, and a slip n’ slide.
While ASWNMU Treasurer Madison Jones was available for comment, President Tim Stillman assured The Mustang that a new Pro-Temp has already been located and ironically it’s one of the items that Kester himself had purchased.
“Unlike Dylan, our snow cone maker always works and never fails to bring a smile to people’s faces,” Stillman said in a statement. “We look forward to seeing what it can do for Student Government and for the student body of Western New Mexico University.”
When asked for a statement on his termination, Kester replied with, “Hmmm, damn. Nope, I can’t think of anything.”
The Snow Cone Machine joins the Coffee Maker that replaced former Executive Secretary Bre Aker last year as the second inanimate object to join the ranks of the Associated Students. It is unclear if the Snow Cone Machine will take Kester’s seat on the Student Fees Committee.
Editor’s Note: This is a satirical article for April Fool’s Day